Briony Tallis is such a human character that it hurts, and it is because of that humanity that we are able to criticize her with such depth, passion, and the occasional f-bomb drop. Throughout the novel, I found myself switching between three main emotions regarding Briony: anger that led to condemnation, pitying her, and relating to her.

It is easy to relate to young Briony as she is, to her core, a typical kid. She doesn’t understand anything outside of her own little world and it inherently selfish- which is literally every kid Briony’s age that I’ve ever known. However, her isolation, creative mind, and narcissistic mother has not done wonders for her development. As an effective only child growing up, I understand the lengths you will go to to not be bored, but I can say that never accused my sister’s crush of raping my cousin because of it. Briony makes me think about the nature v. nurture argument. Is how she was raised to blame for her selfish actions the day she accused Robbie? Is she inherently that way? I think it may be both, but I now understand why McEwan is so proud of Briony as a character.

In part 3 of Atonement, Briony is just straight up pitiful. All she wanted out of life was to go to Girton, be a writer, and have this high intellectual status, but she chose to repent for her sin by being a nurse. She was a mediocre nurse, but she was doing her best. She carries so much guilt and anguish over how she tore Robbie and Cecelia’s lives apart and what could happen to them that she doesn’t sleep, pushes out her family, and dresses wounds with such precision and affection that she has to be told to move on. Despite everything she has done, it is difficult to not pity her and the weight that she is carrying.

I got severe emotional whiplash between part one, part three, and London, 1999 and my thoughts on Briony. I do have some respect for older Briony, as she seems to be aware of some of her biases, but there is one specific area within Briony’s book that I think shows her character that I take a big issue with. In Connolly’s letter to Briony, he asks why the woman goes into the fountain fully clothed and how it may relate to the larger story. However, it is made very clear in our version of the novel that Cecelia strips before entering the fountain. Given the conservative ideology of the time, I ask my question: if Briony cares so much about giving Cecelia and Robbie the “ending they deserve” and lies to do so, why humiliate Cecelia’s memory by stripping her for the sake of plot? My bias says selfishness, because even thought Briony knows she cannot publish in her lifetime, she simply cannot bear to change the truth in favor of a story. It was not until I read that note in C.C’s letter that I began to hold contempt toward Briony, specifically, her future self that rationalized changing history in favor of publicity.

Then again, with her as our narrator, it is impossible to know the truth about anything… Ian McEwan, how fucking dare you write this life-altering book.